Relief

Day 25:  Relief

The night before last, after Coleman’s very tough evening, he was up from 3 a.m. until roughly 4:30 a.m., something he never does.  So when my alarm clock went off for work yesterday morning, I was already too tired for the day.  Fast forward 12 hours later, and another difficult night with Coleman, well, I simply couldn’t gather my positive energy to put together a thoughtful, meaningful post.  We just needed sleep, all of us.  So I apologize for last night’s glum post, and thank you all for the kind, supportive comments on my facebook page and email.  I’m so grateful that a good night’s sleep can do wonders for improving your outlook.  Today was a better day all around for everyone. 

My friend who is a BCBA and knows Coleman well came over this afternoon.  She has seen Coleman in every environment and completely understands him.  I was so grateful when she arrived, just to talk out some of the problems we have been having lately.  It’s incredibly important to have a friend like this, someone who understands professionally and sympathizes as a parent.  More than anything else she listened as I rambled on about the escalating behaviors we have been seeing in Coleman lately, and the culmination over the past several days.  She reminded me that like all our kids, Coleman is growing and changing, and what he liked yesterday, what worked yesterday, may not be the same today or tomorrow.  And that we need to adjust our approach as he grows.  We also talked about the need for an in-home assessment and plan to be conducted by a BCBA.  This was approved as part of Coleman IEP in January, and we have yet to see the services begin.   We fully supported this recommendation, because Coleman’s behaviors were already starting to change back then.  We recognized that we needed help, and not because we are incapable parents.  Well, maybe we are incapable parents, but that’s another story.  A BCBA will look at functional behavior, assess the entire situation objectively and likely point out negative reinforcers that we have become blind to.  She’ll define a behavior plan that will address the source of the problems, and that will then become our responsibility to enforce.   We are waiting patiently for this assessment to occur, and have finally reached out to the Superintendent for help.  My friend helped me remember that the plan will help, that we will get there, that Coleman has not permanently turned into the HeMan from Hell.  It will get better, she reminded me.  Ah, sometimes you just need to hear that out loud.   Thank you L.

Coleman is not entirely innocent in all of this – we are keenly aware of this fact as well.  Because his abilities are changing, we need re-set his boundaries, re-set limits on what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, and this is never fun or easy.   And Coleman will need to learn that batting his adorable eyes, or sweetly saying   “I’m good.  Okay now?”   is not sufficient to make up for the nightmare that preceded the comments. 

So we all have our work cut out for us, just like every parent and child out there.  And Rome wasn’t built in a day folks, so let’s not expect miracles.   As for today, it was monumentally better day than the prior two days.  I took the day off from work and tried to set a specific plan for Coleman for the day.  I outlined some of the things we would do (First we’ll have breakfast, then we’ll go to the park, then we’ll do puzzles and color, and then lunch…) He thrives on this kind of structure.  We hit the park twice, once in the morning and once in the afternoon, thanks to cooperating weather, and at the end of the day, we went to my brother’s and jumped on the trampoline for an hour.  The good news is that we had a great day, and made it into bed fairly early.   The bad news is that I’m about an inch away from buying a foolish trampoline.